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night 4;
[this trial was worst than the last.
lara and luke had both been people he liked well enough, spoke to decently often in the last couple of days—and generally got along with, lara's aggressive pinning him to the wall when they first met aside. but they'd been left with an awful choice and a split vote, and then to top it off, elizabeth having to do the honors just seemed like worst.
he likes these people, he doesn't want this for them.
and he can't even hold it against luke that he was a traitor in hiding his status as staff, because... shit happens. he'd betrayed too many people and he's been betrayed well before this whole screwed up situation fell in alvin's lap. but neither of them had been responsible for killing rayfa and it still sucks that this is how it's all happening.
the second he has the opportunity, while others are reeling and checking on elizabeth, alvin slips out of the room quietly, stepping well away from where the day's events took place—
and slamming his fist into the wall next to the door to the commissary.]
Dammit... [his fist lingers there, and he sucks in a breath through his teeth. he's frustrated and has no idea how to cope like an adult at all. good job, alvin.]
lara and luke had both been people he liked well enough, spoke to decently often in the last couple of days—and generally got along with, lara's aggressive pinning him to the wall when they first met aside. but they'd been left with an awful choice and a split vote, and then to top it off, elizabeth having to do the honors just seemed like worst.
he likes these people, he doesn't want this for them.
and he can't even hold it against luke that he was a traitor in hiding his status as staff, because... shit happens. he'd betrayed too many people and he's been betrayed well before this whole screwed up situation fell in alvin's lap. but neither of them had been responsible for killing rayfa and it still sucks that this is how it's all happening.
the second he has the opportunity, while others are reeling and checking on elizabeth, alvin slips out of the room quietly, stepping well away from where the day's events took place—
and slamming his fist into the wall next to the door to the commissary.]
Dammit... [his fist lingers there, and he sucks in a breath through his teeth. he's frustrated and has no idea how to cope like an adult at all. good job, alvin.]
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It's still horrifying, of course. Everything that happened was terrible, and Alice? is shaken from it too.
But...
He hesitates for a moment, before he follows. It was clear that Alvin was distressed by this, and Alice? feels the need to at least make sure he's okay. And when he slams his fist against the wall, it's clear--
He's not okay.]
Alvin?
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but okay, really? alvin wasn't expecting company so soon.
of course, he really wasn't planning on punching the wall either, which is more a detriment to his hand than the wall itself, but he's not really thinking about it much right now.
he's gotta keep his cool, though when he drops his hand and turns to look at alice?, he's kind of like a deer in the headlights.]
Oh. Hey. [well, he feels kind of like a dumbass.] Wasn't expecting company so soon.
[he's fine? everything is fine.]
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You seemed kind of... [... well, upset, but that seems stupid to say now.]
So I just thought I'd...see if you're okay.
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[he lets out a weak, half-laugh. alice? has a temper on him and he gets riled up too easily, but anyone that would come check up on him—he doesn't think he's done anything worth that.
so yeah, a good kid.]
It's fine. [no it's not. he stretches his arms out over his head, clenching his hand into a fist before outstretching it again. that's probably going to bruise later...] We knew this was a possibility, even if it sucks.
[he's so full of shit, it's unreal.]
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He knows he's fucked up plenty of times before.]
...Yeah, but...you don't look so good. I mean--even worse than the rest of us.
[A beat, and tentatively...]
Were they your friends?
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[lara didn't seem to like him or trust him at all (which he understood), he liked luked well enough...]
I talked to all three of them enough, though. I knew she wasn't one of them, and then making Elizabeth carry it all out... [his gaze averts.
it didn't take much to see how hard that situation was for all of them in the booth, and in such a brutal way.]
I've seen my share of death, but the way this is going down is just... messed up.
[none of them deserve this. even if luke was staff too, even if he was going to fuck them all over eventually, the way it's happening just sits poorly with alvin.
funny how that works work. is it karmic retribution for all the bullshit he put other people through? maybe.]
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[That's an understatement to the extreme.]
But still... I guess right now all I can really do is try to ask so--
If you're not okay, that's...okay, y'know. It's not like you've always gotta pretend you're fine, or whatever.
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I'll be fine, kid. That just sure as hell wasn't the outcome I was expecting from this. [that's... close to admitting he's not actually fine, right?
he's so bad at this.]
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Right. Because who could ever expect something that stupidly shitty?
[He knows, it's utterly insane!]
So why're you pretending everything's okay then? We've already got the gruff and stoic detective role filled, you can't have it.
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[healthy coping mechanisms!!!]
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[......... wELL.]
Kind of shitty and pathetic.
[Oh.
Whoops.]
I got told that a lot in Wonderland too, y'know? You gotta stop being all emotional just because the situation's bad, but...that's not fair. And it's not right either, and... I don't think that feeling things made things worse in Wonderland.
Actually, it might've helped. So...
... I mean, you can do what you want, but that's just what I think.
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[it's probably a healthier coping mechanism, honestly. but alvin is... well, he's alvin.]
I guess pathetic's just another trait to add to my resume, huh? Not all of us are so good at that kind of thing. Some of us... just have to shut it off if we want to keep going. You see enough crap, and it becomes the easiest way of moving forward.
[he's a coward and a manchild, it's true.]
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[COME ON, ALVIN...]
What are you even talking about?
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I just mean, my line of work's put me in a lot of bad situations, It was either suck it up and move on, or dwell on it and get myself or... someone important killed.
[#clarity] It's pretty much the same here, isn't it?
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...It may be, but that doesn't mean we should just give up on this sorta thing, you know? That's...what's the point if we don't...even feel anything about it anymore?
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Who knows? Maybe there's not one. Maybe it's just easier to care more about waking up every day than what that sometimes costs.
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[Because sadly, there'll be a next time.]
Starting to think you can't be left alone.
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[alice? really isn't wrong here, honestly.]
I guess even in this place, it's always kids being the one to check up on me. [why is this normal for him? we just don't know.]
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[He doesn't sound very judging, though; if anything, it's kind of nice to be able to do this for Alvin. (???)]
But I'm not gonna stop either way.
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[he's a pathetic adult, it's fine. he knows it?]
Sounds about right either way. You've got a bit of do-gooder in you, you know that?
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[Yes he does.]
I'm just trying to get through here, just like everyone else.
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[the denial, that is. but hey, at least the chiding seems to be lifting his spirits a bit.]
Most people are looking out for themselves more than anyone else.
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Well, with terms like that, who am I to refuse?